


Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories

by silkmoth



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:32:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkmoth/pseuds/silkmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*points at title*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories

**Arthur’s Bad Sex Stories**

“I’m sorry. I think I got a little... excited.”

“YOU THINK?”

“Alright, here take that…” The towel was ripped from Arthur’s hands. Shit. It really hadn’t been his brightest idea to draw _that_ mouth close to his cock only seconds before he came.

“I’VE GOT THAT SHIT INTO MY EYES! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT BURNS?”

“Could you maybe stop yelling? My father’s chambers aren’t that far away.”

“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? HUH?”

***

“I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”

“Merlin…”

“SHUT UP! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, MAN!”

“You turn me on. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME? BREATHE?”

“I really wish you wouldn’t scream right after… I’m developing a complex.”

“I WISH YOU WOULD! MAYBE THEN YOU WOULD LAST MORE THAN TWO SECONDS!”

***

“Merlin…”

“OUT! THIS IS YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, GO AWAY! AND IF YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN…”

“Hey! I told Gwen… she’s fine with it.”

“GOOD FOR HER! GOOD FOR YOU! I’M NOT FINE WITH IT! GET LOST!”

“No, no, you misunderstand! Merlin, listen I… Merlin!”

Bang. Sitting out in the hall on his arse, in front of the closed door of the Royal Warlock, Arthur contemplated the fact that he hadn’t even managed to tell Merlin he had no bed to go back to. Lancelot was already in it.

***

“What did you just say?”

Okay, Merlin wasn’t yelling but hissing wasn’t all that great either.

“I just thought… you’re a warlock. Maybe you could figure something out.”

“I WASN’T ABLE FOR YEARS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP YOU FROM COMING THE SECOND I LAY MY HANDS ON YOU! AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO BECOME PREGNANT? ARE YOU NUTS?”

“Well… with Gwen I can’t get it up at a…”

“AND THIS IS MY FAULT HOW? YOU’RE QUEER, MY LORD! WHY DID YOU MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?”

Arthur sighed; he never knew how to answer that question without making Merlin even madder. And yes, the marriage had been nonsense but still…

***

“I’LL KILL YOU! THE MOMENT THIS IS OVER I’LL KILL YOU! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ME FOR THE NEXT NINE MONTHS!”

  
The End.


End file.
